she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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