i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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