I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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