dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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