Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
