Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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