Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
