i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
