NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
