sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
