wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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