all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
