That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
