i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
