how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
