I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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