SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
