my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
