I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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