Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
