Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
