I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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