Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
