i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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