marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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