you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
