I accidentally had phone sex last night
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
