Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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