I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
