Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
