you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
