that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
