Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
