Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
