Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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