Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
