have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
