I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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