i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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