If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sorry my hands just texted you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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