He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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