Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just had sex on a roof
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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