Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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