As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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