I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
