Need sex. Gaining weight.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
