Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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