there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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