btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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