im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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