Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
